I've read articles on how horrible 2016 was mainly because of the tragedies that occured this year. And I must say, I agree with them. 2016 has been the toughest year (yet) for me and my family. Allow me to share how 2016 almost struck the life out of me.
LIGHT
I welcomed 2016 in the four corners of our office. I vividly remembered how dreadful it was to get out of bed, take a shower, and get a cab to take me to Makati. I was late, as usual. There were only 5 us in that huge room since the rest of the gang whom we shared the room with has already transferred upstairs. Imagine how quiet and how boring that was. But, good thing I was with my über cool team who didn't want to lose that jolly vibe in welcoming the new year. We didn't have that much work to do so we went and did crazy videos of ourselves. It sucks to have not spent the season with the family but having good friends around made up for it.
On my way home, I started pondering if I could withstand another Christmas or New Year in the office. I've thought very hard and came to a decision that I needed to find a job that could give me a work-life balance whilst being challenged.
My January was spent updating online resumès and sending online applications. At the end of the month, I had 21 applications in line and only 1 had called me for an interview and exam in which I failed terribly (100 accounting questions in 1 hour. Like hello??). I was close to losing hope of getting hired when my phone rang and was scheduled for an interview for a company I have not heard of nor have I sent an application to. And to my luck, I was hired! I felt no hesitation signing the job offer after hearing that the work schedule is in the morning and that they don't require overtime. Yes, thank You Lord for this light!
My first week went a-ok as I was still in the 4 day New Hires Orientation. Nothing much was done and I get to enjoy leaving work at 3 in the afternoon. Then my boss told me that I will be reporting to BGC for 2 weeks to do a project. UGH! Hearing the letters B G and C being said one after another made me cringe! That 45 pesos fare, that 2 hour heavy traffic, that long queue for a ride back home and have mentioned the HEAVY traffic? NO. My body tells me to say NO but ofcourse, I was in for a challenge (the project) so I still said yes after all. Thank You again Dear Lord for another light.
That 2 week project (turned 3 weeks) went smoothly as I was only there to document processes already being done by 2 of my colleagues. After that project was completed, I went back to our main office and was told that I'll be leaving for Singapore the following week for another 2 weeks. Ofcourse I said yes again with no hesitations at all. It's Singapore, who would say no to that? So I went there, with three of my colleagues, with so much excitement and high hopes of another smooth project.
And then, I got there.
DARK
And then, I got there. What I was hoping for was the exact opposite of what had happened. I had to cover around 20 processes in a span of 8 days. I was not prepared for that - mentally, emotionally, and physically. Despite getting back to the hotel at 6 in the evening, I had to stay up late just to finish the documentations. And when I said late, I meant up until 4 in the morning!! And that became my everyday routine, even on weekends! I was drained. On my last week in Singapore, I kept crying at night because of too much pressure.
When I got back from Singapore, the pressure has gotten worse. There was not a day that we weren't escalated and getting scolded. Everyday, we feel like we are being criticized by our work, making it feel that we had not put our 100% best during the knowledge capture. We were belittled, or atleast that's how we felt. It gutted me. I started doubting myself. Am I really that dumb? Have I thought highly of myself when in fact I had nothing to show? Am I a failure? Have I failed this project? These thoughts kept running in my mind everyday. I cry every morning whilst finding the strength to get up and go to work.
Then came one Sunday wherein the Church's message was to always be positive for Mondays. I cried (again). I cried because I heard His message but find it hard to apply it. Ever since Singapore, I was never positive in facing not only Monday but the whole week. As a matter of fact, I don't want to face it anymore. I told God about this. I told Him that I could not handle it anymore. I told Him that I don't want this any longer.
BLACK OUT
Monday came and I was still pushing myself to get up, take a shower, and prepare for work. But I failed. My timid self has won over my desire to face another challenge. So I went downstairs to tell my sister that I'll be calling in sick. But I ended up calling for an emergency leave as we have to take my dad to the hospital as his feet are so swollen and he has lost his appetite. I didn't have to come with them. My sister could drive him to the hospital without my company but I opted to because, deeply, I found it as a good excuse to take a leave from work.
But I was wrong. You know that statement "Be careful with what you wish for because you might just get it."? Well, that statement is true!
After talking to the doctor, my dad was hospitalized for almost 2 months. He was diagnosed with Kidney Chronic Disease due to his urine bladder diverticulum and enlargement of prostate. He had to undergo an immediate dialysis as his creatinine had already shoot up to 1000. Once his creatinine subdued to 400, he went for an operation to fix his diverticulum.
I was there in the hospital with him everyday until he got discharged. The sadness I had before because of SG has gotten worse. I was already thinking of ways on how I could escape from this sadness. I cry myself to sleep hoping that everything would be different when I wake up but still ending up on the same situation - my dad at the hospital bed, with a lot of wires, and a catheter. I lost hope. I lost all the hope that I had. I was no longer praying for healing, guidance, and comfort. I kept asking Him "Why". Why us? Why this situation? Why? I was no longer sad, I was in the state of depression.
GOD'S LIGHTS
Despite of my being weary ang continuous complains, He never left our side. He did not fail to remind us to hold on to our faith. He has given us His light through people. People whom I am thankful for. People whom this letter is for.
▪ Xerox Friends - Bebang, Andee, Donna, Ate Mitch, Rachel, Jechuchi ▪
Thank you for giving your time and effort in visiting us in the hospital despite coming from a tiring shift! Thank you for offering yourselves (and even Ate Affy) to donate blood as your way of help. You guys don't know how much your presence has helped me and my dad. You had brought life and hope in us.
▪ Orica Friends - Ar-Jhay, Bubbles, Virgel, Gly, Thine ▪
Thank you for constantly checking up on me and my dad. Thank you for keeping us company even late at night. Thank you for donating blood. Your efforts made me realize that I am not alone in this fight and that having you as friends is a blessing.
At work, I am thankful to have you as colleagues. That 1 hour lunch and after shift shenanigans are what I look forward to mostly everyday! You make it easy to get through that 5 stressful working days.
▪ Dreamteam ▪
Ahh, yes! My constant everything - supporter, comforter, and stress-reliever.
▪ Nerbert Bulaqueña ▪
Queue Cheese.
You are the brightest light God has given me this year. You never left my side despite my mood swings. Despite having been pushed away. You stayed. Even at the toughest time, you were there ready to give comfort and prayer. There is not a day that I don't thank God for giving me you. I am so blessed to have you and I pray that your light won't fade.
To everyone mentioned, thank you. You all have been a blessing to me and my family. I pray that God would continue to bless you, ten thousand folds!
To every one else, continue to be a blessing to the people around you!
2016 may have been hard on us but never forget to keep hold on to our faith.
Happiest New Year to every one!
